Helen X. Have you met her or her mom or dad? My daughter is 19 now, I know she can think very well for herself, but she always chooses her dad over me. It's hard to see Dad give the children more then Mom could ever afford. Also, it is true that mothers-daughters have sometimes complicated relationships. Two narcissistic husbands and my mother one as well is a no win situation and frankly i do not now even want a communication because i cannot forgive them bashing me to all sides of family in public and on the internet the way they do. Silly me;I still thought I could control the situation, how sad. I am struggling with this and am really trying to find UK support. My daughters have different dads. He would never talk bad about her. I have an uphill struggle as my daughter is only 3 but I swear I'll never give up on her, stand by her side forever and hopefully she will come good like you. After over 14 years, it is unlikely that reunification will ever happen. I left a abusive husband of 34 years, which they did not see, he would abuse me behind closed doors,emotionally, spiritual ly, n physically.I can only see grandkids when he is their, and he puts on his show of doing husband. I am in therapy for this reason.His dad and step-mom play it off well that they got along with me perfectly and treated me splendidly. The child, as in any process of alienation against the father, identifies with the custodial parent, that is the mother, under whose control he/she lives. It’s true that mothers are more likely to receive custody of their children in a divorce. The only good that came out from this marriage was the birth of two more children. So I wrote a wee poem in the cards; "By the calender, These cards will arive late. However, if either parent objects to the name change, the court will try the case to determine whether the name change is in the child's best interest. MAMA, Where can I see the MAMA parental alienation site I just got divorced my husband over the course of 3 years in Iowa, USA removed my 12 year old daughter and put her in the middle of our divorce case had her seeing 2 therapists without my knowledge and basically turned her against me- he had her write the most horrible affadavit against me full of lies and then had her testify against me in court and I have nor seen her i 4 years I am a broken woman.Please help how could he get away with this he was granted permanent custody of her and my 10year old son becuase they believed his story they hated me and I was an unfit mother all lies I have been devastasted and my life has been destroyed along with me my children were my life and he took away my life please anyone where can I get helpI lost all my money trying to fight his attacks he had 2 lawyers and I was not working he stole all my money and the equity out of the house he is a criminal who got away with that too where is the justice > I cry nightly for my poor abused children who are a mess. There ! It was not long after my ex turned up on my door and I invited him in for a cup of tea. I had to disconnect completely. ... 16 Year Old Rights Against Parents. Then, because I was in graduate school for psychology, I used the resources in their library to become educated about what it was and what I could do about it - I even devoted a semester's project to it. For the daughter who blames her mother, you could only know the full truth through examining court documents. My Mom, however, would always complain about my Dad. Does anyone ever stop to think about how traumatized the women became that it's just hard for them not to defend themselves and to be continually told that they are just trying to turn the kids against their dads by standing up for themselves and correcting the lies? May 1, 2017 - Spending time with a parent who suffers from narcissistic personality disorder is rarely in a child’s best interest. You Go, Girlfriend. Here is a woman's fail-proof guide to ruining your ex using Family Court. My son has ex-communicated me from his life. We have far more reason to be angry with you than you do with us. You contact people on our friends' lists on facebook and try to be sneaky and tell horrific lies, not to mention that fact that you can't even spell my name right when you do it. A court will presume that you’re the father if you and the child’s mother were married when the child was born. This problem is not only about parental alienation. The issue rather, is that many women are at an unfair advantage because well…they are women. How I Controlled Communication With My Narcissistic Mother, Psychology Today © 2020 Sussex Publishers, LLC, 3 Simple Questions Screen for Common Personality Disorders, Research Suggests Coronavirus Causes a Storm in the Brain, What to Do About Vaccine Hesitancy During COVID-19, New Findings Reveal Benefits of Ketamine for Depression. 1. First, I am so sorry for what you have been through. I was so relieved, I thought he would now end this vendetta of negativity and we could be friends for the children sake. Not worth sacrificing the rest of your life over ungrateful betraying kids! Divorced parents who "brainwash" their children against ex-partners are guilty of “abuse”, the head of the agency that looks after youngsters' interests in family courts has said. I am a father to a beautiful little girl was born in 2014. I appreciate that you read and commented on my blog. Today is Mother's Day". Most all of the websites say it's the poor fathers and the mom's who talk badly about them. Severe Parental Alienation: A Mental Health Emergency, Parental Alienation and the Bystander Effect, Recent Advances in Understanding Parental Alienation, It's Complicated: The Many Moods of Mother's Day. Feel free to reach out to me via my website if you want more information about parental alienation. You put "MY" grandchildren at risk by doing so and their mother is not happy about it, at all. My son also acknowledged that dad never bad talks mom. I genuinely thought that he loved us so much, that he poured his heart out to her and was crying because he did not want to leave us. Respect and love for others? I think this is happening to me and my daughter who lives with her mother. Another Jo! I think the family unit is still quite a taboo place to interfere in our culture. You can find out more about that on my website www.amyjlbaker.com. Of Children & Families Dirty Tricks, (Un)Fair Hearings to Challenge Allegations of Abuse Or Neglect, What You MUST know about Probate and Family Court, Resentful, Greedy, Manipulative Mother's Guide to Destroying Your Children and Their Father (Satire), Angry, Controlling, Stingy Father's Guide to Destroying Your Children and Their Mother (Satire). How on earth are we going to climb this Everest? The whole way the system is set up isn’t really natural in terms of biology. Wishing you well - It must have been torturous for you going through this, I bet for many years and probably only having a real relationship with your dad when you were grown up enough to make your own decisions. If he doesnt have a job it is a bad sign. I totally understand your feeling that no one would believe what you have been through. Have you found support yet? Like Alice in Wonderland, talking to my ex was an experience in conversing with the Red Queen. It is so important! But the source of the bias is not in the courts – it’s in the marriage. Made a court date and because she has had her for 3 years moving from Florida to Illinois, I know this from people who care about the situation. But in these past few months, I have let go of any expectations. She would always say that my Dad "Was trying to turn me against her." Why did you chose one bad man after another. But i can see what an unfair daughter you are! Just Cats! My son is beginning to realize that dad isn't the rotten person mom painted me to be. I had to quit caring because i became so ill over my girl's betrayal and hatred fir me that i almost died. You can still undermine without bad talking, Parental Alienation/fathers abusing daughters quietly, Planning a 2019 Conference on Parental Alienation, Professional Misunderstanding of Parental Alienation, On Father’s Day, Remember the Alienated Father. If a father was the primary caregiver I'd say the baby shouldn't be staying overnight with the mother. I will tell that for 10 yrs I was a Stay-At-Home mother to my girls. Feel free to reach out to me via my website if you want more information about parental alienation. I hope to have a good mother's day with her. Yes, mom might feel a little crazy, but its not really normal for a child to abandon their mother simply over that. They are quick to assign the role of care taker to moms. I am a senior now and financially caught in a trap. I gave him a time limit of a month. When mothers keep ending up with rotten men, everyone usually goes with it that it's really just her and the poor guys! I just keep texting him because I'm just not gonna give up unless he changes his number or something. Then you go pick another one? I try and try and nothing. There are always two sides to every story. Now back to arranging the gifts for my estranged family members that they cannot return. I always tell my daughter I am here for you, but now that there is no more patenting plan he can do anything he wants to influence her. What happens if we do not? Please e-mail me if your book is not yet finished. My daughters continue to white wash their dads and publically bash me on facebook and to all of my family members. My partner and I never say a bad word to her about her mum but I can assure you I could have with the amount of vitriolic hatred her mother has for me. You will also find other mothers there who you can relate with and to. I try to respond to people who comment on my blog when they write about their personal PA story. Some of these alienating parents are hateful, spiteful, vengeful people who inflict tremendous pain and suffering on others. ... My niece is 16 now and has been through a world of hurt because of her mother. Just have to say i can't hit the proper letters on this tiny phone keyboard so i will have many errors and miss spells. Years later I can see now what he had done as he did the same thing when we were divorced. Such lies.i was the only one who financially supported them while i was regularly beaten and all. The father may communicate with the mother, document the violation and attempt to resolve it without court intervention. The doctor provided a letter to the mother's solicitor which said "I have interviewed Billy and Sally at 2:10 pm in my surgery. The weekend before we had the kids raking leaves. In my experience an alienating parent needs three things: (1) motive to undermine the child's relationship with the other parent, (2) access to the child, and (3) skillful use of alienation strategies. Why are you so harsh on your mother? I try to respond to people who comment on my blog when they write about their personal PA story. The wish is to win the child to their own side so that they will be permanently allied with them against the other. It's a page in support of fit mothers who have been alienated from their children by their exes. “For a father will be divided against his son and son against his father, mother against her daughter and daughter against her mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.” GOD'S WORD® Translation A father will be against his son and a son against his father. Harold Niman, the father's lawyer, said the decision serves as a wake-up call to parents who, "for bitterness, anger or whatever reason," decide to use their children … I’m just saying this for the daughter who is mad at her mother that there needs to be more compassion for all women out there who risk losing ANY access to a child and understanding for why women do freak out, act dysfunctionally (borderline or entitled) and who do tend to be more at risk of being alienators of fathers. And all of this coming from a woman who abandoned her own children at several point during their lives, who told her granddaughter that she was her favorite because she was pretty. Looking back I felt I was held to ransom. NOT FAIR! How To Fight A False Allegation Retraining Order, Dept. I truly have nit had a goid man i feel because i myself had an abusive mom and hitler minded stepfather... giving me no healthy male role models. Alice is quite good expressing her thoughts, it is the Queen that drags her in mental circles. You being the one who has belittled her own children because they didn't meet her standards of physical beauty. You have earned your place, deal with it, stop lying about us and let it all go. I should also mention that my husband's ex is now best friends with my ex - and she has alienated my husband's son from him. Jo. My mom tried to make me hate my Dad. If your mom really isn’t really being alienated and is trying to turn you against your father (whether consciously or unconsciously), maybe just ask if she would go to counselling with you. I am a senior now too and their hatred took away my health by dwelling on their hate. The mother and I split after 5 months of our daughter's birth,we weren't married. I have had several people expose the truth about her campaign to destroy my son's vision of dad. For the person who said that their mother was the person who was alienating and that dad was trying to supportive, it is not up to us to decide whether that is true or not. Please come to our page and join the effort in fighting for mothers who are alienated from their children. Who is the child support payer? I believe that part of why this is not talked about as much as fathers' experiences of parental alienation is that mothers who do lose their kids this way are overcome with shame and humiliation and tend to not want to go public with their story. You are an inspiration x. I want to know where is the answer to fathers who alienate daughters mothers and purposely, mentally, psychologically drive their mothers out of the daughters life. A week later I had just arrived back from work to find my daughter who was then was only 2 years and 9months old distressed. Tell her you don’t like her accusing your father in that way and that you want to work on your relationship with her. For the past 6 years, i was denied overnight visits despite a half inch thick stack of copies of court ordered parenting classes and counseling. After discussing this with him, it was agreed that he would move out and find alternative accommodation. I just hope my other two are strong enough to withstand the denigration. If you think about it in a logical way instead of in the current legal way, its really not natural to say to a woman “Hey, due to legal fairness and laws, you will only be able to see the fruit of your loins 1/2 the days of the week and the father that didn’t really change diapers or do this or that is going to take the child the other 1/2 of the time.” And you have to think if a woman can be okay with that, does she lack an attachment to her child or is being forced to go against her biological instincts (which is unnatural to some degree). I'm actively looking for support myself, so this might help me to find it. A potpourri of Family & Child Protection Issues. Patriarchy affects how custody battles are eventually ruled – and not because the court is particularly in favor of women. He was not the father of my daughter. Miss my kids n grandkids! Or you can have a baby with him. For a son dishonors his father, a daughter rises against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; a man's enemies are the members of his own household. First, I am so sorry for what you have been through. I almost do not know why I should even bother to tell MY STORY anymore. It's a child! Not saying fathers not seeing kids is fair (nor do I support his and I get angry with women who I see want to alienated the fathers and take all their money for child support). I have only just come across them term 'Parental Alienation' as there is no information about it in the UK. If my son's not on my mind one day-he'll end up in my nightmares the next. Often my daughter will say odd things to my partner and me which indicate she is being primed and copying her mother. Women get blasted for being alienating when if people had more understanding about biology perhaps they could get the proper understanding and support instead (in a way that helps fathers not to be alienated or etc). I do have hope. I can’t speak for fathers though. My children have grown up and have mental health issues, they do not want to remember the good things as the response is always negative with replies ’Dad said you would say that’ or вЂ�dad said you would throw that in our faces’. Your Mom may not make as much as your father, and alimony may be low. You are the unfair one. Also, it is highly traumatic for a mother to lose access to their child whether due to alienation or their own actions (as it is for the child). I deal with a narcissistic ex who hid his entire life he was gay. This even can occur even at the thought of having half their access taken away. She used multiple counselors to obtain an opinion that contact with me be limited. Can Parental Alienation Occur Beyond Parents and Kids? You can even tell her to get counselling if she can’t back off and stop projecting onto you that repetitive story. But mothering, Never has an end-date." I came up with this http://www.mothers4justice.co.uk/aboutus.html. For years, I was overcome with shame and humiliation, really believing that if I had only been "good" enough my boys wouldn't hate me so. All I can say is it is hard to know and depends why your mother feels alienated (or if she even is). She couldn't let the past go and kept repeating stories of how he hurt her. Now, that i changed my name and disconnected, i still have never gained back my health. You can find out more about that on my website www.amyjlbaker.com. 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